High-achieving men like Brady cannot win--nor can men who achieve a lot less than he does. If a man doesn't work hard and earn a lot, he's letting wife and family down. If he does work hard and earn a lot and unavoidably spends time away from home and family, he's letting them down again. Either way, he cannot do enough. The only values and feelings that matter belong to other people, not to him. As Tom says below, men who don't express and defend their needs contribute to this destructive dynamic. Women can do it all, run countries and be wonderful moms. But men can't have stellar careers and be wonderful dads, or so women say. As Jonathan Gottschall writes in Professor in the Cage, "women are wonderful" (i.e., seen as wonderful) because they are easier to like than men, especially men who are robust, competitive athletes, and who insist that what they do is as important as what others in the family do. Hard to like a man who does not put you first.
What kind of a woman would choose a football champion as a husband and then leave him because he loved the game too much to quit?
Says it all. How dare Brady put his own needs into the equation? In my work with couples over the years it has astounded me that one of the most prevalent problems is the husband not saying what he wants. Brady broke that rule. Good for him.
Your question: Was Tom Brady a Bad Husband? As I woman, I say absolutely not.
Megyn Kelly does nothing but try to encourage the 'Men bad / Woman Good' narrative, which we are being programmed to simply roll over and accept. Not even looking at both sides of this husband and wife story, going straight to blaming the man and victimising the woman.
More men are starting to stand up for themselves and this is a great thing to see. Men are a fundamental part of our society and we need to cease treating them like second class citizens.
It's all about the wife's power over the husband. Kelly just couldn't stand the fact that Brady exercised a tiny bit of power himself. He allowed his own autonomy to come first and that, certainly to Kelly and possibly to Bündchen, was unforgiveable. BTW, how much money does Bündchen get for dumping him?
Besides, I feel like that was just Kelly shit-testing. I've seen this happen a couple times and women can't stand it when men express their power by saying, "No!"
Janice, thanks for another wonderfully insightful article. Albeit a Brit, I LOVE American football, so much more exciting than soccer (though I'm conflicted because of the injuries including brain damage in both sports, likewise rugby). For some reason you article reminded me of this famous question put by the comedienne 'Mrs Merton' (Caroline Aherne) to the wife of a famous and rich British magician, in an interview:
"So, Debbie McGee, what first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?"
Right on the money again. So refreshing to read... Thank you... I am so sick of this attitude everywhere from modern women.The constant double standard favouring women or constant victimization. Men can do no good or are useless and obsolete while they are ridiculed by media, ads or tv shows as weak. We are decades away from a solution... If ever we get there. Men have been retreating and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. Nothing will ever change until the pain is such that both genders agree that status quo is no longer a viable option . I am not holding my breath... Power is addictive. We need a " cease fire". All very sad. We need to work together and complement each other, not compete if we ever want a decent society again...
I assumed she wanted Tom to quit playing for health and safety reasons; though I have never heard this aspect mentioned. Not-withstanding her motives, un-retirering is not remotely close to a valid reason for divorce. I smell a rat--maybe two.
Feb 13, 2023·edited Feb 13, 2023Liked by Janice Fiamengo
It’s rather uncanny how the things that women love about men at the beginning of a relationship have a way of becoming the things they resent about men at the end of a relationship, isn’t it?
In my opinion, if Bundchen did, in fact, issue a “football or me” ultimatum, a few things would/should have been clear:
1) The marriage was already broken, perhaps (probably) irreparably. You don’t issue ultimatums like this to a husband whom you genuinely love and respect.
2) Brady made the right call to continue on with his career. Feeling forced to leave the game before he was truly ready would have only created or exacerbated existing animosity he felt towards his wife. Ironically, had he acquiesced to her demand, she probably would have, on some level, lost respect for him. Men giving women exactly what they claim to want has an uncanny way of making both men and women miserable.
3) Men would be well-advised to think twice before starting families with high-profile, careerist women. Bunchen’s (alleged) complaint that Brady needs to give up football and spend more time with the family rings hollow when, ostensibly, she wants him home so she can pursue her own career interests.
Be mindful of this fact. Had Brady done as his ex demanded, he would have been in effect, p***y whipped. She would have had the upper hand going forward. That is a recipe for disaster and misery in a marital relationship.
The fact that she is already with another man speaks volumes about her lack of real love and loyalty.
High-achieving men like Brady cannot win--nor can men who achieve a lot less than he does. If a man doesn't work hard and earn a lot, he's letting wife and family down. If he does work hard and earn a lot and unavoidably spends time away from home and family, he's letting them down again. Either way, he cannot do enough. The only values and feelings that matter belong to other people, not to him. As Tom says below, men who don't express and defend their needs contribute to this destructive dynamic. Women can do it all, run countries and be wonderful moms. But men can't have stellar careers and be wonderful dads, or so women say. As Jonathan Gottschall writes in Professor in the Cage, "women are wonderful" (i.e., seen as wonderful) because they are easier to like than men, especially men who are robust, competitive athletes, and who insist that what they do is as important as what others in the family do. Hard to like a man who does not put you first.
Amen Janice. Loved this line:
What kind of a woman would choose a football champion as a husband and then leave him because he loved the game too much to quit?
Says it all. How dare Brady put his own needs into the equation? In my work with couples over the years it has astounded me that one of the most prevalent problems is the husband not saying what he wants. Brady broke that rule. Good for him.
I wonder how Megyn Kelly would feel if her husband insisted she quit her media job a year before she wanted to.
Your question: Was Tom Brady a Bad Husband? As I woman, I say absolutely not.
Megyn Kelly does nothing but try to encourage the 'Men bad / Woman Good' narrative, which we are being programmed to simply roll over and accept. Not even looking at both sides of this husband and wife story, going straight to blaming the man and victimising the woman.
More men are starting to stand up for themselves and this is a great thing to see. Men are a fundamental part of our society and we need to cease treating them like second class citizens.
"chastising Brady for not trying hard enough to placate his wife"
A big question is why is the focus only on keeping women happy.
Using words like placating makes me think coercive control is at play here.
She pulled the rug out from under his feet when he was no longer useful for her.
It's all about the wife's power over the husband. Kelly just couldn't stand the fact that Brady exercised a tiny bit of power himself. He allowed his own autonomy to come first and that, certainly to Kelly and possibly to Bündchen, was unforgiveable. BTW, how much money does Bündchen get for dumping him?
"I get what I want, and I never want it again". Courtney Love
Have you seen this? Another example of female bullying:
https://nypost.com/2023/02/09/new-jersey-girl-14-takes-her-own-life-after-latest-attack/
Besides, I feel like that was just Kelly shit-testing. I've seen this happen a couple times and women can't stand it when men express their power by saying, "No!"
Janice, thanks for another wonderfully insightful article. Albeit a Brit, I LOVE American football, so much more exciting than soccer (though I'm conflicted because of the injuries including brain damage in both sports, likewise rugby). For some reason you article reminded me of this famous question put by the comedienne 'Mrs Merton' (Caroline Aherne) to the wife of a famous and rich British magician, in an interview:
"So, Debbie McGee, what first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?"
Mike Buchanan
Party leader
JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
http://j4mb.org.uk
Normally I like Kelly's spin on things but in this respect she errs.
Right on the money again. So refreshing to read... Thank you... I am so sick of this attitude everywhere from modern women.The constant double standard favouring women or constant victimization. Men can do no good or are useless and obsolete while they are ridiculed by media, ads or tv shows as weak. We are decades away from a solution... If ever we get there. Men have been retreating and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. Nothing will ever change until the pain is such that both genders agree that status quo is no longer a viable option . I am not holding my breath... Power is addictive. We need a " cease fire". All very sad. We need to work together and complement each other, not compete if we ever want a decent society again...
I assumed she wanted Tom to quit playing for health and safety reasons; though I have never heard this aspect mentioned. Not-withstanding her motives, un-retirering is not remotely close to a valid reason for divorce. I smell a rat--maybe two.
It’s rather uncanny how the things that women love about men at the beginning of a relationship have a way of becoming the things they resent about men at the end of a relationship, isn’t it?
In my opinion, if Bundchen did, in fact, issue a “football or me” ultimatum, a few things would/should have been clear:
1) The marriage was already broken, perhaps (probably) irreparably. You don’t issue ultimatums like this to a husband whom you genuinely love and respect.
2) Brady made the right call to continue on with his career. Feeling forced to leave the game before he was truly ready would have only created or exacerbated existing animosity he felt towards his wife. Ironically, had he acquiesced to her demand, she probably would have, on some level, lost respect for him. Men giving women exactly what they claim to want has an uncanny way of making both men and women miserable.
3) Men would be well-advised to think twice before starting families with high-profile, careerist women. Bunchen’s (alleged) complaint that Brady needs to give up football and spend more time with the family rings hollow when, ostensibly, she wants him home so she can pursue her own career interests.
Another great article!
And here I was, thinking maybe Megyn had learned her lesson. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose…and over and over and over again!
Any body else see the significance in the way Kelly spells her name…Me Gyn!
Be mindful of this fact. Had Brady done as his ex demanded, he would have been in effect, p***y whipped. She would have had the upper hand going forward. That is a recipe for disaster and misery in a marital relationship.
The fact that she is already with another man speaks volumes about her lack of real love and loyalty.
Tis a shame. A real shame.